Living all my dreams, on a low budget

(I wrote this at the end of 2017 in the middle of the night and then forgot about it because I thought, that probably sucks I wrote it at 2am. But turns out it doesn't suck so, enjoy it or don't. I'm not here to tell you how to live your life)

Well hey, 

Once a upon a time I wrote blogs all the time (scroll down to see my handy work as a 19/20 year old, ahh youth) and since this year has been a big one I decided I wanted to write about it, before you hear about it on the next record, because you will. 

I spent a lot of time this year reflecting on what I wanted in my life when I was 17, maybe it's because I spent half the year living in my hometown of Gladstone and driving past my high school every day. 

This is something I find that I wrote about myself for my hypothetical Myspace page in 2009 (I wasn't allowed one, still pissed). 

I’m Hayley. I am who I am; your opinion is neither desired nor required. I kinda shy, till you get know me then you can’t shut me up. I love to laugh. I try to make the best of bad situations. I’m a firm believer in what goes around comes around. I don’t really care about what other think of me I do what makes me happy, if people have a problem with me that I really couldn’t care less. I love to play guitar, sing and write music. I love my family and friends. 

In 2009 I was 15 and I would like to say that I really believed all that crap I had snatched right off an inspirational poster but I doubt that I did. I so cared what people thought of me and even now as a 23-year-old, bill paying, car owning woman, I care a crap load. 2009; my parents had spilt up a year before, 6 days before my 14th birthday. In the year that followed my best friend of almost ten years ditched me for the popular kids, I felt more lost and confused than I ever had but I discovered something about myself. That when shit is thrown my way, I get busy and throw myself into anything and everything I can to prove to whoever has left me that I'm amazing. What a healthy coping strategy, I know, so well adjusted, etc. That year I started musical theatre, I started caring about practising guitar, I found my lord and saviour Taylor Swift and learned her entire back catalogue and I started planning for my future life. Well not really, I don't ever remember putting money away from my newsagency job to go towards my future. I just stared out the window of the advanced maths class I had accidentally fallen into, in the building that had no air con (WTF state schools??) and tried to imagine myself my dream life where there would be no hurt, no split weekends, no friends ditch and all the boys I liked would like me back. 

I wish I could tell my 15-year-old, so wanting to be, well adjusted self that all those things were true but that would be kinda a lie. The main thing I was hoping, wishing, praying for, was a career in music. I think at this point my family and friends knew I liked music but they didn't know I was serious about it. That I practised my acceptance speeches in the shower, pretended I was being interviewed in the mirror while I got ready for school or the reason I spent hours in my room was because I was writing some truly terrible songs. But that was it, I remember knowing that I was going to be a musician or nothing when I was 7. There were no other options, there was not ever a question in my mind. This was it. So while failing year 10 maths, I imagined my huge tours, my critically acclaimed albums, awards lining my walls and getting handed a gold record like it ain’t no thing. Well, that kinda happens now. This year I have played the most rewarding shows of my career, none of them in stadiums but all of them filling up my heart with so much happiness (barf). I didn't get a gold record but I did have a record debut in the ARIA Country Charts, which for a second release of an independent and virtually unknown artist, I'd say it's pretty good. 

One of the other big things that I was always dreaming of when I fell asleep (sometimes at night like a normal person, sometimes during maths) was having my own apartment. I never dreamed of getting married or moving in with a boyfriend or to be honest even having a long-term boyfriend, not in the future anyway. That was for being a serious career woman and I was sure that I would never be able to successful and keep up a steady relationship. So, the plan was to get a high school boyfriend and then prepare for the inevitable break up as I went off after graduation into my record deal/massive tour/stardom life. That didn't happen. I got turned down so many times in High School, I thought I was a bed sheet (ba-dum-tish). And to any boys I asked out/got my friends to ask out for me, what a time we could've had and also my acne has cleared up and I have a license now, how bout it? (this is a joke). Well lil 15 year old loser, I have my own apartment, I live alone and I love it. Although sometimes it is a massive struggle to make rent for the week and other week's it is the party you imagined. The only thing I wish I could tell that cynical little shit is that you can have a relationship and be successful, even though I'm single now all the stuff that came to fruition this year was planned while I was in a very serious, long term relationship. Also having a boyfriend is a risky little thing, 15-year-old me, so don't bother writing too many emo love songs about that guy who turned you down (which one? amiright me?), he's engaged now and you get to spend all your money on yourself and your shoe collection is kick ass. 

That's one other thing I dreamed about, having a wardrobe that would make Carrie Bradshaw green with envy. I have it written down in a letter I wrote to myself to open at 25, I've already opened it because I'm a snoop, even on myself. I wanted to have a wardrobe with 'the perfect mix of vintage and modern styles'. Well girl, you got it and you look pretty good in it too. Just sometimes you eat two-minute noodles or tinned spaghetti on toast to make room for it in the budget not the greatest lifestyle choice (sorry mum). 

So basically, I am living all the dreams I had for myself as a teenager staring out a window in maths while I should've been learning algebra (jokes on you, Mr Maitland because I don't need that shit), just on a very, very, very low budget. I just need to remind myself of that sometimes and look back on where I was, instead of constantly worrying I'm never going to get to the next dream. Also, thanks for this year, I've had a good time, too much of a good time sometimes. I'm really proud of what 'Lonestar' has done and it's not over yet, there's still 2 more singles to come. I have officially started writing my first full length album and it's going to be a little bit different than the last one but that means I'm doing it right! I've already written a bunch of songs and that's just from me tucked away in my lil unit, just wait till I get into co-writing. AND just like I knew with Lonestar when I wrote the song, I know what the album is going to be called already and it's really good, but if I told you now it would be like telling that insecure, scared little 15-year-old that things turn out ok and where's the fun in that? 

This was longer than the bloody lord of the rings saga, (The Hobbit included!) so if you got to the end, well done, you have sufficiently wasted some time and learnt about me as a small babby teen. Here's what I looked like when I was dreaming these dreams...

Well hey, 

Once a upon a time I wrote blogs all the time (scroll down to see my handy work as a 19/20 year old, ahh youth) and since this year has been a big one I decided I wanted to write about it, before you hear about it on the next record, because you will. 

I spent a lot of time this year reflecting on what I wanted in my life when I was 17, maybe it's because I spent half the year living in my hometown of Gladstone and driving past my high school every day. 

This is something I find that I wrote about myself for my hypothetical Myspace page in 2009 (I wasn't allowed one, still pissed). 

I’m Hayley. I am who I am; your opinion is neither desired nor required. I kinda shy, till you get know me then you can’t shut me up. I love to laugh. I try to make the best of bad situations. I’m a firm believer in what goes around comes around. I don’t really care about what other think of me I do what makes me happy, if people have a problem with me that I really couldn’t care less. I love to play guitar, sing and write music. I love my family and friends. 

In 2009 I was 15 and I would like to say that I really believed all that crap I had snatched right off an inspirational poster but I doubt that I did. I so cared what people thought of me and even now as a 23-year-old, bill paying, car owning woman, I care a crap load. 2009; my parents had spilt up a year before, 6 days before my 14th birthday. In the year that followed my best friend of almost ten years ditched me for the popular kids, I felt more lost and confused than I ever had but I discovered something about myself. That when shit is thrown my way, I get busy and throw myself into anything and everything I can to prove to whoever has left me that I'm amazing. What a healthy coping strategy, I know, so well adjusted, etc. That year I started musical theatre, I started caring about practising guitar, I found my lord and saviour Taylor Swift and learned her entire back catalogue and I started planning for my future life. Well not really, I don't ever remember putting money away from my newsagency job to go towards my future. I just stared out the window of the advanced maths class I had accidentally fallen into, in the building that had no air con (WTF state schools??) and tried to imagine myself my dream life where there would be no hurt, no split weekends, no friends ditch and all the boys I liked would like me back. 

I wish I could tell my 15-year-old, so wanting to be, well adjusted self that all those things were true but that would be kinda a lie. The main thing I was hoping, wishing, praying for, was a career in music. I think at this point my family and friends knew I liked music but they didn't know I was serious about it. That I practised my acceptance speeches in the shower, pretended I was being interviewed in the mirror while I got ready for school or the reason I spent hours in my room was because I was writing some truly terrible songs. But that was it, I remember knowing that I was going to be a musician or nothing when I was 7. There were no other options, there was not ever a question in my mind. This was it. So while failing year 10 maths, I imagined my huge tours, my critically acclaimed albums, awards lining my walls and getting handed a gold record like it ain’t no thing. Well, that kinda happens now. This year I have played the most rewarding shows of my career, none of them in stadiums but all of them filling up my heart with so much happiness (barf). I didn't get a gold record but I did have a record debut in the ARIA Country Charts, which for a second release of an independent and virtually unknown artist, I'd say it's pretty good. 

One of the other big things that I was always dreaming of when I fell asleep (sometimes at night like a normal person, sometimes during maths) was having my own apartment. I never dreamed of getting married or moving in with a boyfriend or to be honest even having a long-term boyfriend, not in the future anyway. That was for being a serious career woman and I was sure that I would never be able to successful and keep up a steady relationship. So, the plan was to get a high school boyfriend and then prepare for the inevitable break up as I went off after graduation into my record deal/massive tour/stardom life. That didn't happen. I got turned down so many times in High School, I thought I was a bed sheet (ba-dum-tish). And to any boys I asked out/got my friends to ask out for me, what a time we could've had and also my acne has cleared up and I have a license now, how bout it? (this is a joke). Well lil 15 year old loser, I have my own apartment, I live alone and I love it. Although sometimes it is a massive struggle to make rent for the week and other week's it is the party you imagined. The only thing I wish I could tell that cynical little shit is that you can have a relationship and be successful, even though I'm single now all the stuff that came to fruition this year was planned while I was in a very serious, long term relationship. Also having a boyfriend is a risky little thing, 15-year-old me, so don't bother writing too many emo love songs about that guy who turned you down (which one? amiright me?), he's engaged now and you get to spend all your money on yourself and your shoe collection is kick ass. 

That's one other thing I dreamed about, having a wardrobe that would make Carrie Bradshaw green with envy. I have it written down in a letter I wrote to myself to open at 25, I've already opened it because I'm a snoop, even on myself. I wanted to have a wardrobe with 'the perfect mix of vintage and modern styles'. Well girl, you got it and it takes up most of your little apartment. Just sometimes you eat two-minute noodles or tinned spaghetti on toast to make room for it in the budget not the greatest lifestyle choice (sorry mum). 

So basically, I am living all the dreams I had for myself as a teenager staring out a window in maths while I should've been learning algebra (jokes on you, Mr Maitland because I don't need that shit), just on a very, very, very low budget. I just need to remind myself of that sometimes and look back on where I was, instead of constantly worrying I'm never going to get to the next dream. Also, thanks for this year, I've had a good time, too much of a good time sometimes. I'm really proud of what 'Lonestar' has done and it's not over yet, there's still 2 more singles to come. I have officially started writing my first full length album and it's going to be a little bit different than the last one but that means I'm doing it right! I've already written a bunch of songs and that's just from me tucked away in my lil unit, just wait till I get into co-writing. AND just like I knew with Lonestar when I wrote the song, I know what the album is going to be called already and it's really good, but if I told you now it would be like telling that insecure, scared little 15-year-old that things turn out ok and where's the fun in that? 

This was longer than the bloody lord of the rings saga, (The Hobbit included!) so if you got to the end, well done, you have sufficiently wasted some time and learnt about me as a small babby teen. Here's what I looked like when I was dreaming these dreams...

 

1 comment

  • Debbie H. Hayden

    Debbie H. Hayden

    Wonderful post! Music is a piece of music that we made with our voice. I'm waiting for that amazing song because last weekend my friends talking about this full of entertainment song in front of me with [url=https://www.assignmentgeek.com.au/discounts/]discounts[/url] and the song is"I'm coming home". Thank you for sharing this.

    Wonderful post! Music is a piece of music that we made with our voice. I'm waiting for that amazing song because last weekend my friends talking about this full of entertainment song in front of me with discounts and the song is"I'm coming home". Thank you for sharing this.

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